By: M.M. Hassan Abdulhadi Rashid – University of Karbala, College of Islamic Sciences

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) said: “When you reprimand a young person, leave them a space for their mistake so they do not feel embarrassed and resort to defiance.”

Educators emphasize the importance of considering the psychological and emotional levels of children when parents play their guiding roles. Some children, especially during adolescence, become highly sensitive.

Some children may fall into wrong behavior not intentionally but due to their pure hearts and naivety in understanding. They may not fully grasp the purpose behind the anger directed at them or recognize the benefit of being redirected away from inappropriate actions.

Excessive reproach and blame often lead to negative outcomes, which is why Imam Ali (peace be upon him) advises, “When you reprimand a young person, leave them a space for their mistake so they do not feel embarrassed and resort to defiance.”

As a teaching method, parents, educators, and mentors should adopt this approach in guidance without exerting excessive pressure or completely stripping the young person of the freedom to express their views. Too much reproach can lead to defiance due to the embarrassment it causes, while being overly lenient may result in apathy, making the child arrogant or disrespectful, which damages their character.

But when should this method be applied to our children?

First, it should be adopted for those who are ten years old and older. For children younger than ten, their intellectual level and understanding should be considered.

Second, there must be a distinction between different types of mistakes. In some cases, the child should not be allowed to justify their misdeeds, to avoid the impression that the wrongdoing could be repeated. A firm approach is required in certain situations. For example, if a child fights over trivial matters, they should be allowed to explain themselves. However, if the child is caught smoking, no justification should be allowed, and they must be firmly corrected, explaining the reasons for such actions.

Third, it is essential to observe how the child responds to the guidance: Does the child cry and become agitated, or are they calm and articulate in their response? Do they react with anger or defensiveness? This helps determine the appropriate method of guidance to ensure that the child remains aware and confident, rather than broken or reckless.

Fourth, the language used during reprimanding should be positive, avoiding provocative expressions that may make the child react angrily, thereby reinforcing their defiance. The goal of reprimanding is to guide their thinking correctly and build their character, not to seek revenge, as they are your child. You should make them feel love, mercy, and kindness.