Assistant Lecturer Hassan Abdul-Hadi Al-Lami – College of Islamic Sciences – University of Karbala

We must consider the feelings of others when offering criticism, even if they make mistakes or behave inappropriately. Gentle advice is the foundation for building an individual, contrary to the misconception that harshness and strictness are necessary. A good approach is the key to people’s hearts. If it is kind and gentle, the advice or criticism will penetrate their hearts without causing resentment, and they will accept it with love and understanding. However, if it is harsh and crude, they may reject the correction, turn away, or even become angry.

Here are five successful methods for offering criticism to others without making them upset:

First: The Method of “Talking to Someone Else”
If you want to point out something that bothers you about someone, or if they act inappropriately but you hesitate to confront them directly due to psychological or external reasons—like being older than you or resistant to criticism—use indirect criticism, often referred to as “talking to someone else but meaning them.”

For example, Imams Hasan and Husayn (peace be upon them) once noticed an elderly man performing ablution incorrectly. To correct him respectfully, they pretended to have a dispute about who performed ablution better and asked the man to judge between them. Both performed the ablution correctly, leading the man to realize his mistake and correct it himself. He thanked them for their kind and thoughtful approach.

Second: The Method of “Criticism Through Kindness”
A factory manager once entered a room to find his employees smoking despite a sign overhead stating, “No Smoking.” Instead of harshly reprimanding them, he handed out cigarettes and said, “I’d appreciate it if you could smoke these outside.” His clever and kind approach embarrassed them and made them respect the rules while deepening their appreciation for their manager.

Third: Silent Practical Guidance
A shop owner noticed his employees chatting and laughing together while a customer stood waiting for assistance. Instead of scolding them, he personally helped the customer and brought the items to the employees to pack. This action made them feel ashamed, and they immediately resumed their duties.
Sometimes, silent practical guidance can be more effective than harsh words, leaving a positive impression and avoiding adverse reactions.

Fourth: Guidance Through Suggestions
A writer showed his friend a speech he planned to deliver at an event. The friend, after careful thought, said, “Your wonderful speech would be perfect for publication in the city newspaper!” The writer understood that his speech was not suitable for the event and rewrote it thoughtfully.
This method is a form of indirect guidance, offering constructive suggestions that improve the work or behavior without pointing out flaws directly.

Fifth: Avoid Using “But” After Praising
Some people use praise as a prelude to criticism, believing it balances their feedback. However, this often leaves the recipient disappointed and demoralized, diminishing their confidence and trust in the person giving feedback.
Using “but” after praise can be interpreted as insincere or envious. Instead, conclude your praise by expressing hope for continued success or wishing the person well, fostering positivity and motivation.